Oprah credits Maya Angelou for teaching her an important adage: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them … the first time.”
But most of us fail to heed the wisdom in those words on a regular basis. Someone lets us down, hurts us, betrays us, gossips about us etc … and … our heart registers the information and then our heads talk us out of being wary with them. We argue with ourselves that they maybe didn’t mean it … we blame ourselves for how things devolved. We talk ourselves into giving them another chance … and perhaps another … and maybe even another. And … by the time they have injured our trust for the 3rd or 4th time … we are furious with them!!
We can’t believe they hurt us AGAIN! We feel victimized by them … but … the truth is that we can only hold someone responsible for harming us the first time. Once we KNOW they are capable of doing that, we are obligated to protect ourselves. If people harm us repeatedly, we can’t blame them. They are simply being who they are … doing what they do. Isn’t it just a wee bit unreasonable for us to expect them to be something they have already showed us they are not…?
I often ask clients if a dog was tangled up in a chain and we reached out to set it free and it bit us … would it be wise to reach in again? People wholeheartedly agree “No.” I say “But even if our best intentions is to help free it … even if we are trying to do something good for them?” Most people respond by saying “No … you’ll just get bitten again.”
Yes, so if you know the dog bites … act accordingly. Same goes for people …
And, this is not an easy lesson for compassionate, caring people to learn, Karen
Live a Great Life Anyway ... 
