This profound quote touched me in a very deep way as I was sipping my coffee this morning. Sometimes it feels like “there is nothing we can do” to mend all the darkness around us.
We are mistaken.
We are not powerless.
May we choose to add more light as we move through our day(s) … ✨ Karen ✨
One of the most important lessons we can learn in life is to stop arguing with things we cannot change. Being in the resistance of something that has already happened keeps us stuck in anger, resentment, upset and distress. When we find ourselves dwelling upon how this “should not have happened” … or … how bad things “always happen to me” – we are grounding ourselves in the muck.
The best question we can ask ourselves is this: “How am I going to live a great life, anyway?”
Our job is not to change the past. That is impossible. We cannot alter what has already happened. Our power lies in deciding how we are going to respond to the challenges, adversities, trials and tribulations that land upon our paths. We all get to decide HOW we will respond and WHAT we are going to do to make the best of the situation.
When we decide to stop arguing with the reality of things, we can get busy moving forward beyond them. All any of us need to do is to take the next best step. And, every step we take moves us toward something. If we keep looking back at what already transpired, we don’t move forward.
Once again, the most important and transformative question we can ever ask ourselves is “How am I going to live a great life anyway?” And then, take one teensy step in that direction. Or, you can continue lamenting and ruminating endlessly about what you wish hadn’t happened or how unfair it was or how unhappy you are about it. The choice is yours. You have the power to decide.
N.B. I am not suggesting that we deny, dismiss, disregard, suppress or repress grief and loss. We absolutely must honor our emotions and must make necessary time to process events and mourn circumstances. I am simply inviting us not to get stuck in that space. Acceptance of what we can’t change allows us to process our grief and acknowledge our losses and ultimately fosters the opportunity for us create our best lives … despite the things we wish hadn’t happened.
If you can’t change or undue it, how are you going to make the best of it? How are you going to live a great life anyway? Our lives change in the best of ways when we shape our days from that perspective.
With warmest intentions, Karen
My Bestie (age 60) and I (age 63.5) were inspired to sign up to participate on “Team Leah” for “The Ride to Conquer Cancer” in order to help raise funds for more research around this daunting and deadly disease. As my friend Leah said, we’d all be “hard pressed to find find anyone that hasn’t been directly affected by cancer one way or another.” While it is typical for the participants of “The Ride” to log 200km on bicycles over 2 days, my Bestie and I don’t ride bikes. We do like to walk though … so … we opted to adapt the ‘ride’ and log 100kms on foot instead.
Our initial intention was to do 20kms/day over 5 consecutive days. As it turned out, our personal and professional schedules wouldn’t accommodate that tight pace so we ended up logging 20kms per day on August 12th, 16th, 21st, 23rd and 24th. We took some pictures along the way and made a few videos just to capture the energy of the moments. All in all, it was a remarkable journey.
We extend our heartfelt appreciation to all those who supported us emotionally, mentally and financially! Your enthusiasm for our intentions and your generous investment in our efforts was so deeply meaningful! You really helped sustain us when we thought we were out of steam. And, for those of you who might be interested in hearing a bit more detail about our meanderings, I thought I’d offer some extra tidbits with this little blog.
We opted to walk the same-ish route each day. We ventured out from our homes (we live in the same cul-de-sac) and walked out towards, through and around the Trout Pond and then went down through Taber Provincial Park and back up towards town and then meandered our way down towards the Taber Golf Club for lunch on three occasions and then back home. We made every effort to avoid busy streets or traffic.
We’d been experiencing record hot days in our part of the world all summer long … and … our first attempt at 20km was done on an incredibly hot day! We knew we needed to get an early start, but ultimately … we didn’t beat the heat. We sought some shade at a nice table outside at the Taber Golf Club. My Bestie enjoyed the Spinach Salad with some chicken and a beer … I opted for the cheeseburger (with gravy for dipping). I normally would have got the French fries as a side, but it was so dang hot that I ordered a nice crispy salad and a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio. Yummers … on all counts.
And well … the heat really took us to task!! By the time we were done … we were also done.
I went to bed at 7:30pm that night … BUT … it was a gift to realize I was going to feel better after a good night’s rest. As tired as we felt … it did not escape either of us that the people who are battling cancer are chronically exhausted and far more depleted than we ever could have felt from our walking.
We humbly recognize that the the pain and struggle and fear that they are forced to endure far exceeds any discomfort we had experienced. We found ourselves feeling very grateful for our mobility and the luxury of being able to walk and walk and walk and walk … until we were exceptionally tired and terribly sweaty.
And, here … I must apologize.
I deeply regret my incredibly thoughtless and insensitive slip of the tongue. We were incredibly fatigued, but we were not “dying.” NO. There are people who are diagnosed with cancer who are literally dying. Please accept my sincerest and most heartfelt apologies for my mindless and cavalier use of hyperbole. 😌
There had been hundreds of forest fires burning in British Columbia. Many of the towns there were under evacuation orders. I cannot even begin to imagine what it was like nearer to the flames because we were experiencing low air quality and the smoke was hanging very heavily in our community during our second walk. It was still fairly hot, but the smoke mitigated the intensity of the sun. It also felt a bit cooler because it was also windy!
This leg felt the best out of all of the legs! We grabbed a quick bite to eat when we stopped at home to change shoes, tinkle and stretch. And despite the air quality … we really enjoyed the day’s jaunt and didn’t feel as spent as we did the first leg. I even got the video the right way up!
And look … the cloud rolled in and the temperatures cooled down on the third leg. It was so chilly at the onset, we even had to put on our hoodies!
We ended up taking some beautiful pictures of the scenery on this leg. Maybe it was the lighting from the cloud cover, but everything looked so lovely!! The pictures don’t seem to do it any justice … so … you might just have to take my word for it! 😉
The forecast even threatened for rain in mid afternoon. We set out early in hopes of avoiding the precipitation … but NO. After about 17kms, we stopped at Taco Time for a nice meat and cheese burrito (so delicious … I highly recommend getting extra enchilada sauce!!) and then … we were greeted with rain and wind as we rallied our energy to tackle the last 3kms. We were not anywhere close to home by the time the odometer read 20kms … so … we called for a pick-up to save us from the unfavorable weather and spare us the extra and unnecessary kilometers! There might have been a time in our lives when our pride would have commanded that we hoof it out … but not at our ages. We felt no shame at all in calling for help!
I’m not sure if you can see the splatters of raindrops landing on our coats and glasses, but … we were getting wet! We did however have an interesting little moment during the final kilometer or two. We were walking down a main thoroughfare in our little town. We usually avoid the busy streets … but … we were walking down 50th Avenue in order to meet up with our pickup. And, low and behold, along the way we were offered another very unusual pickup. As a truck with a couple of rambunctious young boys past us, the passenger dangled a limp rubber rooster out the window. And then, he offered us a rather cheeky proposition: “Do you want my cock?” 😳
Huh?? I checked in with Bestie to see if I actually heard him correctly. Yep, yes indeed … apparently, I had.
Well, if we hadn’t been so tired it might have seemed offensive … but … we totally cracked up. We concurred that we had both had better propositions in our better days … but agreed that it has been a really long time since either of us old hens had received any kind of indecent proposal from any young man. We reckoned that these poor boys were just trying to spice things up and have a little fun on a drizzling dreary Saturday. And well … our chuckling helped to offset our shivering. 😉
We were so cold and wet that we didn’t make a video at the end of this day. As a result, I cannot offer you any closing remarks regarding the day … other than we unequivocally decided that despite being a couple of damsels in distress, we did not want their rooster cock.😏
The weather was actually quite lovely for the fourth leg of our 100km journey. And, not that it much matters to you, but we thought it was smart to have our carpets cleaned on this day because we knew we would be out of the house for a good six hours or so walking! Here’s a big shout out to Tuxedo Steam Cleaners … they did a fabulous job!! 🙌
It was a bit cooler in the morning … but … turned into a very delightful day in terms of the weather! And … it was great in term of some other unexpected delights we encountered along the way! It wasn’t windy!! If you know me at all, you know how much I detest wind! And we got to peel off our jackets …. and … the scenery was so serene. We even passed by a wee little library in a neighborhood … beckoning people to take a book for free! Bestie enjoyed a crisp citrus beer at the Golf Course (we ended up there again for lunch) … AND … we had the most delectable and delicious Beef Taco Salad! It was so quiet and enjoyable! At one point, my Bestie commented upon how relaxed she was feeling. Our schedules have both been very busy in August so it was truly sublime to simply settle into the serene sanctity of the space.
And well … apparently the taco salad was still on my mind when we offered our closing thoughts for the day ….. 😊
I made the mistake of saying during our fourth leg that we never had to wear any heavy coats during our walk! Gah. We had to bundle up for our last 20kms. Yep. That is my winter coat. It was windy, cloudy and downright cold … 8 degrees Celsius when we started out.
It didn’t get a whole lot nicer either. The sun toyed with us a few times, but really didn’t peek out until we were all done! We had some interesting encounters though! As we were walking towards the pond on our final leg, a Taber Police cruiser passed us. It circled around the campground just adjacent to the public washrooms for a bit before it left. Of course … we were very curious what would bring the POLICE out to this quiet area just outside of our little town. One of the other things that got us perplexed was the locked door on one one of the public washrooms at Trout Pond. And … then … I noticed some keys that were left hooked on the utility door! It all seemed very suspicious!!
And so … of course we had to conjure up and create some ‘stories’ to account for it all. I speculated that perhaps a scoundrel was on the lam. Perhaps this hoodlum had wandered out to the Trout Pond and was causing trouble for the campers. And of course … when they saw the police approaching, they hid in the bathroom and locked the door. I thought that sounded entirely credible. My Bestie had a more morose story. She was worried that someone was unwell … or worse yet … dead behind the locked stall. 😳 And so … while I was emptying my bladder in the only available stall, she dared to pull at the one with the locked door!! Who does that??
My Bestie is entirely too brave. I would NEVER have had the courage to try to open the door … especially if I was expecting to find a dead body or an unscrupulous suspect fleeing from the police! No. Nope. Never. But … this is where the story takes a dramatic turn.
Yep. Imagine our surprise to learn that the door wasn’t actually LOCKED. It just looked locked. 🙄 Yeah. No suspects. NO crimes. No substantiation for any of the stories we were making up. We decided we would have to think of something else to talk about for another 16 or so kilometers instead ………………………………………😂🤣
And, of course … we did! We never run short on conversation. If you are familiar with the Myers Briggs Personality Indicator, we are both INFJ. Apparently only 10% of the entire population are INFJs … but low and behold … we both are rare breed. And, consistent with that, we are deeply reflective and highly introspective and love to twist and turn a topic around in a bazillion different ways as we weigh all the possible perspectives. But … I should also say that it is also very nice to know that we can walk without constant discussion. Sometimes our conversations take us deep into our own internal processing and I truly appreciate that silence is also comfortable when I spend time with my Bestie! 🙌
After navigating this steep incline up the coulees on the east side of the campground in Taber Provincial Park, we met an elderly gentleman who was walking his dog … and (insert huge gasp!) … he was resting on the only bench part way up this steep hill. We weren’t even sure what we were going to do with ourselves without a place to set down for a spell and stretch out our hips/legs/backs before the next seemingly vertical incline that awaited us. Such unwelcome congestion on the one and only bench along this part of the route had never before befallen us!!😳
But … the kind gentleman rose from his seat as we approached saying he was just resting up for the next part of the incline. We wished him well and gratefully sank into the bench to catch our breath. And then … we watched with just a bit of admiration as he continued the climb two more switchbacks without stopping. He was elderly and we could tell this was no easy walk for him. It was not easy for us either, but we could both sense he was carrying some extra weight … both emotionally and physically.
He walked much slower than we did … so … we caught up to him a fair bit later along a stretch of the path that runs parallel to the graveyard. He sparked up some conversation with us (as we passed him by). He share that he walked this part of the coulees often … leaving his stresses on the path behind him. He indicated that he was off to visit his mother after his walk. She was in hospital and he did not expect her to get out. We could hear the heaviness in his heart.
And, as a couple of counsellors, our hearts felt the deepest compassion for his plight. We were grateful for the opportunity to hold space for him to connect with us in this trying time. We wished him well and carried him in our hearts as we put one step in front of the other. Perhaps his mother had cancer? We will never know. We never asked about her condition. As I think about it now, maybe we should have chatted a bit more with him. Maybe it would have been comforting for him to know that we were walking to raise funds for cancer? I’m not sure, but this is where my mind takes me.
One of the joys when we walk together is the depth of conversation that always ensues. We love to unpack and deconstruct all the ways in which life gives us opportunity to grow. And as we discussed, this was also one of them. It was both our pleasure and our reward to be able to honor the grief this man was experiencing. We can never really know how important it is to simply honor what people are going through, can we?
And then … once we got back into town, we came across another elderly gentleman who was in an electric wheelchair. He was struggling, very unsuccessfully to get his chair to ride up and over the curb. We watched him make numerous attempts as we walked towards him. We were grateful, as well, to give him a wee push up the incline. I’m not sure how come there was not a ramp on that block, but it reminded us of all the barriers that people who are differently abled must face. We talked about how fortunate we were to have healthy limbs. We wondered how he might have faired if we had not crossed his path. It is always so humbling to bear witness to the struggles that others are facing in their day to day existence. We were so very happy to help out.
I asked Bestie if she thought our opportunity to help ‘elderly gentlemen’ was going to come in ‘threes’. Would there be one more opportunity to support someone else?? We had no idea ……….
But then … after another nice taco salad at the Golf Course (a solid selection for lunch again) … we had a chance to shift a perspective. Upon learning that we were walking 100kms to raise funds for cancer research … the third elderly gentleman who crossed our path that day responded by saying: “I’d rather get cancer than walk 100 kilometers.”
Whaaaaaaaaaat??? He did not just say that, did he?? I was so dumbfounded, I think I skipped a breath. Bestie was on it though. She very compassionately and kindly reminded this elderly fellow to be careful what he wished for.
And, his comment followed us uncomfortably for many, many footsteps as we walked off the last three kilometers. We talked about it … at length. We wanted to be generous in our assumptions of him, so we questioned whether it was maybe just a silly slip of the tongue … like my embarrassing comment about feeling like we were ‘dying’ after our first 20km walk in the heat?? Maybe he had berated himself right after he uttered those words wondering why he had said such a ridiculous thing?? Maybe he wasn’t even thinking about the gravity of his statement?? Or … perhaps it was his intention to offer us a compliment?? We landed on the thought that perhaps it was a very inappropriate attempt to honor our efforts. Again, I think it’s always wise to be generous in our assumptions ….
While we couldn’t be certain of his intention … there was one thing about which we felt DAMN sure: A 100km walk is NOTHING in comparison to a journey with cancer. Absolutely nothing in those 100kms compares to the weight of worry and struggle that comes with that unwelcome diagnosis. Our hearts ache for all those who have received that “C” word. I know so many of us have lived with a loved ones who have valiantly battled to become victor rather than victim of this disease.
Ultimately, we are so grateful for the opportunity to support this very critical cause … and … we know we are so very fortunate to be able to physically do so. Here are some pics of our final 20kms. Bestie discovered … on our LAST leg … that we can carry our water in the pocket of our pants! GAH. I was grateful for the discovery … but just a little disappointed she didn’t determine this possibility 80kms sooner! Ha ha. As you can hear, I am giving myself no responsibility for being insightful in this regard. 😏 And, as you can see, we actually got to peel off the layers a little later in the day.
All in all, our final 20kms was a great finish to our 100km journey! We were getting a bit excited along the way … knowing completion was well within our reach.
And, we found ourselves celebrating with a little bubbly to honor our effort and in support of those who must continue their journey with cancer. I know my Bestie is blessed with many wonderful skills, but as we arrived at the the end of our journey, I was so grateful for her ‘corkage’ abilities … we would have been high and dry without her skills!!🍾
If I am to be fully transparent here .. I’m honestly not too fussy about anything bubbly. I don’t drink pop or beer because I don’t like any kind of e carbonation in my drinks … BUT … our effort and THIS fundraiser is great cause for a bubbly celebration. 🥂
And so … please know my Bestie and I are wishing all the best to those of you who know not where their cancer journey will take them. We are so grateful for those who have found their way through it. We are holding energetic space for those who are in remission and hoping that they never have to take another step down the cancer path again. And, we are sending our thoughts and prayers out for those whose battle continues to be first and foremost in their lives. 💙
Oh my … sometimes the best thing we can do when we are facing any kind of adversity is find a silly reason to laugh in the midst of the struggle. Our fatigue on this 100km journey was certainly mitigated by some silly boys who had no idea how their antics would lighten our load.
And …. may the load that all of you who are impacted by a cancer diagnosis be mitigated by miracles and magical moments and meaningful mindsets that offer you solace. May you energetically feel the depth of our love and support. May the research fostered by this fundraising bring you closer to health and well-being. May you know you are all in our thoughts and our prayers … and … every one of our subsequent footsteps. Although our 100km walk is officially done … I know I speak for both my Bestie and myself when I say that we will forever hold you all in our hearts and spirits as you bravely move forward and leave ‘cancer’ far behind you. May you also be able to soon say that one of your ‘highlights’ is that you are “done.”
And, as I post this … we are wishing all the very best to those who will be on their bicycles riding on behalf of “Team Leah” tomorrow, on Saturday, August 28, 2021! We will be with you in spirit! 💗💗💗
And, for all those on all the other teams … may you feel us cheering you on with utmost enthusiasm!! 🙌
With deepest love, care and compassion for one and all,
Karen and her beautiful Bestie (Marie)
Source Unknown but deeply appreciated!
Hmmmm … isn’t THAT a humbling question? When life gets tough, what spills out of you?
And, although my ”spillage is much less toxic than it used to be … and … much less frequent that it used to be, there are still times when I am not proud of what is spilling out of me. Gah.
Tavelling? Nothing like an airport and public transportation to invite a spill or two.
Workplace issues? Yep. Certainly cause for a spill or two.
Wounded people? Yep. Hurt people cause spillage of global proportions.
Social Injustice? For sure. Lots of spilling.
Family Breakdown? Perhaps the spilly-est place on the planet.
Yes. There are many invitations for us to spill. And, when we do, let’s take notice of what comes out of us. It can be such a great reminder of where in our inner worlds we still have some work to do.
May we all become more aware and conscious of whether our spillage is contributing our contaminating our surroundings, Karen
“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one.
But it will only grow in mud.
In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud ~ the obstacles of life and its suffering.
The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life.
Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death.
If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.”
(Goldie Hawn)
Source Unknown but deeply appreciated!
Each and every one of us is offered countless invitations over our lifetime to hang our heads in shame … to rake ourselves over the coals … to accept the ‘story’ that tells us we are not good enough, not love-able enough, not important enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough … blah, blah, blah.
But here is the thing … we don’t have to accept every invitation we get! Just because we have a thought … doesn’t mean it is true. We do not have to accept the invitation to believe that thought.
Instead, we can simply look for the lesson in the moment, make any amends if/where necessary to clean up the mistake (including to ourselves!) … and then … chin up! Falling and failing are essential parts of being human. A ‘fall’ can’t define us … unless we neglect to get back up. Let’s not forget that things turn out the best for those who make the best of how things turn out. Only always.
So … the next time you catch yourself accepting an invitation to let your head down, just take a quick peek at your shoes instead.
Upward and Onward … Karen
There really is goodness in everyone. Sometimes, however, the light inside them gets snuffed out by wounding, pain and trauma that they have experienced. Sometimes, in people’s best efforts to protect their hearts they lash out or may put walls up in order keep others out. Sometimes people can get so hyper-focused on their own injuries that they might overlook and/or fail to honor and acknowledge the pain in someone else’s experience.
Paradoxically, we can see clearly what others have done to hurt us, but we are oblivious to how we might have unwittingly hurt them first. It can be very hard to see the places where they feel like we took the first punch …
One of the most challenging things in all relationships is to have compassion for the wounds of another when you are bleeding yourself. And, the more deeply you are hurting yourself, the less capacity you will have to ‘see’ beyond your own pain. It takes a conscious and deliberate effort to make room in our relationships to have compassion for the wounding of others.
And that is not to dismiss, minimize or excuse the pain we can unwittingly inflict upon each other. It is simply and invitation for each of us to open up some space in our hearts towards those who may be struggling to heal their own hurts. Perhaps hurts that we cannot even see. And, it is a reminder for each of us to be cautious … to give ourselves a wider berth at times … in order to protect ourselves from any unintentional slights.
With tender compassion for our collective wounding, Karen
It’s a choice … we can choose to make the most of the mess, to turn the grit into gold … to be better not bitter. But it is a choice.
May we all find ourselves growing glossier not despite our experiences, but because of them, Karen
Source Unknown
And … sometimes, before we do that, we need to sit in the dark for a while … giving our eyes time to adjust.
With heartfelt compassion for those times when our tender hearts are aching deeply, Karen
Source Unknown
And they pegged Marilyn Monroe as a ditsy blonde … and … we should be careful we are not erroneously judging a book by it’s cover. It’s easy to do.
But, I am inclined to think she was on to something here …
What if she is right …? How would it shift your world if you chose to seek out the potential for light in the seemingly obvious dark?
Karen ❤
Live a Great Life Anyway ... 