This profound quote touched me in a very deep way as I was sipping my coffee this morning. Sometimes it feels like “there is nothing we can do” to mend all the darkness around us.
We are mistaken.
We are not powerless.
May we choose to add more light as we move through our day(s) … ✨ Karen ✨
I re-shared this note written by Alison Malee when I saw it on my Facebook feed yesterday. I prefaced it by saying: “I needed this reminder today … I thought I’d pass it on in case someone else needed it too! I hope you have a nourishing Sunday.”
So, I decided to take this sage advice. Instead of tending to the ‘to do’ list and using this Sunday to prepare for the week ahead, I simply let myself relax and recharge. I picked up a book that I had started reading quite some time ago – ‘Atlas of the Heart’ written by Brené Brown. Despite my best intentions, this literary inspiration got buried under all the other things pulling for my attention. I decided to give myself permission to get lost in the words.
In the segment entitled “Regret” I found myself particularly struck by the wisdom uttered by George Saunders in 2013 during his Commencement Address at Syracuse University. He spoke about witnessing a young girl being teased during their childhood. And although he hadn’t taunted her himself, still decades later … he found himself haunted by the fact that he didn’t do more to support her. His aching reflection touched something deep within me:
I think his words are of imperative importance given the daunting global events we have been witnessing/enduring over the past two years. The pandemic … and now the war in Ukraine … added to all the other personal adversities, challenges and uncertainties that each and every one of us are struggling to navigate. There is so much suffering in and around all of us.
And … I wonder how often we find ourselves or others responding … “sensibly”, “reservedly” and/or “mildly”.
Thank you Mr. Saunders … you give me pause. I know there are many layers and complexities that shape and define our thoughts, words and deeds … but … are we giving ample awareness to them. Are we ‘being’ and ‘doing’ from a conscious and compassionate state … or … are we wandering through life armored up and untouched by all that we see and feel? I think it is worthy of our collective consideration.
I also want to thank Brené Brown for these additional thoughts on the experience of ‘regret’.
“While some people disagree with me, I firmly believe that regret is one of our most powerful emotional reminders that reflection, change, and growth are necessary. In our research, regret emerged as a function of empathy. And, when used constructively, it’s a call to courage and a path towards wisdom.
The idea that regret is a fair but tough teacher can really piss people off. ‘No regrets’ has become synonymous with daring and adventure, but I disagree. The idea of ‘no regrets’ doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with our lives.” [ p. 53]
I am letting all this wisdom land in both my head and my heart. I can feel it stirring up notions of how we can use our regrets to shape better tomorrows. It also invites me to pay more attention to where I might be more cognizant of my own “failures of kindness”.
It strikes me that this is all worthy of some further introspection. And, as I reflect upon the way I spent my Sunday, I am so grateful I didn’t just tackle my list and prepare for the week ahead. I would have robbed myself of some very rich and meaningful moments.
With so much to learn, Karen
While it is a very subtle distinction … as you can see … it is a very critical distinction.
Being ‘nice’ keeps us trapped in an unhealthy relationship with ourselves. It also silences our ability to stand up for what may serve the greatest good.
Being ‘kind’ fuels our world with the energy needed to encourage authentic connection and invites us speak up in the direction of shared humanity and social justice.
May we choose to be kind … 💖
This short video clip explains the ‘privilege’ that many of us enjoy without even realizing that it gives us a head start in life.
May we be humble enough to honor it’s truth by watching.
Please take a peek.
And so it is … with this life we live. We cannot guarantee our stories will always have nice, tidy, happy endings.
Perhaps, in the middle of the messiest muddle … our best bet is to simply do as Glennon Doyle recommends:
With the deepest respect for all of our stories …. Karen
Oprah credits Maya Angelou for teaching her an important adage: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them … the first time.”
But most of us fail to heed the wisdom in those words on a regular basis. Someone lets us down, hurts us, betrays us, gossips about us etc … and … our heart registers the information and then our heads talk us out of being wary with them. We argue with ourselves that they maybe didn’t mean it … we blame ourselves for how things devolved. We talk ourselves into giving them another chance … and perhaps another … and maybe even another. And … by the time they have injured our trust for the 3rd or 4th time … we are furious with them!!
We can’t believe they hurt us AGAIN! We feel victimized by them … but … the truth is that we can only hold someone responsible for harming us the first time. Once we KNOW they are capable of doing that, we are obligated to protect ourselves. If people harm us repeatedly, we can’t blame them. They are simply being who they are … doing what they do. Isn’t it just a wee bit unreasonable for us to expect them to be something they have already showed us they are not…?
I often ask clients if a dog was tangled up in a chain and we reached out to set it free and it bit us … would it be wise to reach in again? People wholeheartedly agree “No.” I say “But even if our best intentions is to help free it … even if we are trying to do something good for them?” Most people respond by saying “No … you’ll just get bitten again.”
Yes, so if you know the dog bites … act accordingly. Same goes for people …
And, this is not an easy lesson for compassionate, caring people to learn, Karen
Live a Great Life Anyway ... 