I re-shared this note written by Alison Malee when I saw it on my Facebook feed yesterday. I prefaced it by saying: “I needed this reminder today … I thought I’d pass it on in case someone else needed it too! I hope you have a nourishing Sunday.”
So, I decided to take this sage advice. Instead of tending to the ‘to do’ list and using this Sunday to prepare for the week ahead, I simply let myself relax and recharge. I picked up a book that I had started reading quite some time ago – ‘Atlas of the Heart’ written by Brené Brown. Despite my best intentions, this literary inspiration got buried under all the other things pulling for my attention. I decided to give myself permission to get lost in the words.
In the segment entitled “Regret” I found myself particularly struck by the wisdom uttered by George Saunders in 2013 during his Commencement Address at Syracuse University. He spoke about witnessing a young girl being teased during their childhood. And although he hadn’t taunted her himself, still decades later … he found himself haunted by the fact that he didn’t do more to support her. His aching reflection touched something deep within me:
I think his words are of imperative importance given the daunting global events we have been witnessing/enduring over the past two years. The pandemic … and now the war in Ukraine … added to all the other personal adversities, challenges and uncertainties that each and every one of us are struggling to navigate. There is so much suffering in and around all of us.
And … I wonder how often we find ourselves or others responding … “sensibly”, “reservedly” and/or “mildly”.
Thank you Mr. Saunders … you give me pause. I know there are many layers and complexities that shape and define our thoughts, words and deeds … but … are we giving ample awareness to them. Are we ‘being’ and ‘doing’ from a conscious and compassionate state … or … are we wandering through life armored up and untouched by all that we see and feel? I think it is worthy of our collective consideration.
I also want to thank Brené Brown for these additional thoughts on the experience of ‘regret’.
“While some people disagree with me, I firmly believe that regret is one of our most powerful emotional reminders that reflection, change, and growth are necessary. In our research, regret emerged as a function of empathy. And, when used constructively, it’s a call to courage and a path towards wisdom.
The idea that regret is a fair but tough teacher can really piss people off. ‘No regrets’ has become synonymous with daring and adventure, but I disagree. The idea of ‘no regrets’ doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with our lives.” [ p. 53]
I am letting all this wisdom land in both my head and my heart. I can feel it stirring up notions of how we can use our regrets to shape better tomorrows. It also invites me to pay more attention to where I might be more cognizant of my own “failures of kindness”.
It strikes me that this is all worthy of some further introspection. And, as I reflect upon the way I spent my Sunday, I am so grateful I didn’t just tackle my list and prepare for the week ahead. I would have robbed myself of some very rich and meaningful moments.
With so much to learn, Karen
Live a Great Life Anyway ... 
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